This is going to be more serious than yesterday was. And I have A LOT to say, Just as a pre-warning. In addition, I have my own personal believes and ideas that I am not trying to force on anyone. I don't like to do this because I absolutely hate it when people try to force what they believe on me and/or tell me I'm a horrible/stupid/etc. person for not thinking the way they do. Not directed towards anyone, but based off of personal experiences from my own life.
I have learned over the years that no matter how much you care about someone/something, it can be taken away. No matter how sure you are of how your life will turn out, no matter how sure you are that they'll be beside you untill the very end; Life isn't a sure thing. It's a fragile thing, full of beauty, laughter, smiles, frowns, pain, and every other colour under the Life-experience rainbow. But, eventually, it ends. Without a single warning sometimes; giving the people around the recently absent person, one of the most absolute worst surprises out there.
Bringing me to what I was really wanting to say today.
I don't think there is a heaven, previous life, afterlife, etc. I have my own reasons for this, most of them steaming back to my childhood. One of my memories in particular stands out: The one that occured right after the passing of a very important family member of mine.
I was so upset and devastated; seeing as I was just a child, that I could barely think anymore. My aunt, whom is very religious, came up to me and told me not to worry, that they are just on a cruise ship and we'll see them again one day (explaining the concept of heaven). Trying to give me some sort of hope (In my view, False hope used to shut me up). I told her that that didn't make me feel any better, I still missed her. She came back and told me to stop being so selfish, and for me to know that everyone else is in pain too. She told a 9-year-old, that he was being selfish for being upset that he could no longer see/talk/etc. with his sister. I knew that everyone else was hurting, I knew that everyone else was feeling the same pain as me. AND all you wanted to do, was to just shove the "problem" away, instead of letting me deal with it, so it could be 'out of sight, out of mind'. Now because of the way that she treated me and made me deal with this, I am unable to talk about any of my problems with anyone, without difficulty. Making what usually takes a human only a few years to cope with, has taken me nearly 8. All because someone thought it would be helpful to get me to move on with my life, as soon as possible, instead of putting my life on hold for a little bit to deal with my feelings.
I love my sister. Dead or Alive. In heaven or in the ground. She does not need to be in a utopia somewhere, where all of her grandest wishes will come true, for me to be happy. I know she was a happy person; she never went a day without smiling, and the only time I remember her crying was when she was doing it as a joke to make me feel guilty. She was happy. She lived her life and was on her way of pursuing her dreams. She died dancing, doing what she loved, with some of her closest friends.
...That alone keeps me happy, that gives me solace.
And I guess what I was trying to say with all of this is that, I do not like being told something, in order to make me deny me feelings, to make me not be able to cope and 'move on'. And in my short life, that has been what the concept of heaven has been used as. But when I'm given the time to figure things out (for myself), even just a little bit, it makes me happy, it helps me.
I have learned over the years that no matter how much you care about someone/something, it can be taken away. No matter how sure you are of how your life will turn out, no matter how sure you are that they'll be beside you untill the very end; Life isn't a sure thing. It's a fragile thing, full of beauty, laughter, smiles, frowns, pain, and every other colour under the Life-experience rainbow. But, eventually, it ends. Without a single warning sometimes; giving the people around the recently absent person, one of the most absolute worst surprises out there.
Bringing me to what I was really wanting to say today.
I don't think there is a heaven, previous life, afterlife, etc. I have my own reasons for this, most of them steaming back to my childhood. One of my memories in particular stands out: The one that occured right after the passing of a very important family member of mine.
I was so upset and devastated; seeing as I was just a child, that I could barely think anymore. My aunt, whom is very religious, came up to me and told me not to worry, that they are just on a cruise ship and we'll see them again one day (explaining the concept of heaven). Trying to give me some sort of hope (In my view, False hope used to shut me up). I told her that that didn't make me feel any better, I still missed her. She came back and told me to stop being so selfish, and for me to know that everyone else is in pain too. She told a 9-year-old, that he was being selfish for being upset that he could no longer see/talk/etc. with his sister. I knew that everyone else was hurting, I knew that everyone else was feeling the same pain as me. AND all you wanted to do, was to just shove the "problem" away, instead of letting me deal with it, so it could be 'out of sight, out of mind'. Now because of the way that she treated me and made me deal with this, I am unable to talk about any of my problems with anyone, without difficulty. Making what usually takes a human only a few years to cope with, has taken me nearly 8. All because someone thought it would be helpful to get me to move on with my life, as soon as possible, instead of putting my life on hold for a little bit to deal with my feelings.
I love my sister. Dead or Alive. In heaven or in the ground. She does not need to be in a utopia somewhere, where all of her grandest wishes will come true, for me to be happy. I know she was a happy person; she never went a day without smiling, and the only time I remember her crying was when she was doing it as a joke to make me feel guilty. She was happy. She lived her life and was on her way of pursuing her dreams. She died dancing, doing what she loved, with some of her closest friends.
...That alone keeps me happy, that gives me solace.
And I guess what I was trying to say with all of this is that, I do not like being told something, in order to make me deny me feelings, to make me not be able to cope and 'move on'. And in my short life, that has been what the concept of heaven has been used as. But when I'm given the time to figure things out (for myself), even just a little bit, it makes me happy, it helps me.
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